Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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