Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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