Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
