I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
