Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
