we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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