Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
