dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
