those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
