Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
