My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize