i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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