Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
