got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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