I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
