Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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