and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
