I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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