I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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