He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
