You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
