Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
