Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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