I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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