yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
