are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
