Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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