i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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