you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You need Xanax blowdarts
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
