he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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