i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
