my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
40s are totally the cure
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
last night I used snow as a chaser
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