i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
