I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
