Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
