now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
