Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
