Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
