Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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