i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize