I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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