i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
