So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize