I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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