i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
