Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
