i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
