I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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