Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
