Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize