I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
