my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
