not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
