even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
