i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
