I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You were trust falling into bushes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
