I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
