i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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