At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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