I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
