At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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