he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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