I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
