I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
