It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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