my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
