i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
