was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
