i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
